Passages (The Kings of Guardian Book 13) Read online

  The man nodded. “Worked, as in past tense.”

  “Retired at a young age, didn’t you?” Dixon chuckled.

  Ryan turned in his saddle. He pinned Dixon with a direct glare. “I’d rather retire early, than die alone.”

  Okaaay. “How long did you say you've known Joy?”

  “I didn’t say, and I thought you two didn’t discuss the past.” The man continued to stare straight ahead.

  Well, that was a new stream of light on the subject. Joy had told the former Shadow about their relationship. Strange. She hadn't told him anything about Ryan, but he could understand why. He didn't know much about the Shadows, and he preferred it that way. Knowing anything about a Shadow was dangerous. Joy’s position in the organization was a tightly held secret, even now. He’d do anything to make sure she wasn’t compromised. Keeping his wife safe was paramount.

  Dixon rested his hand on the saddle horn letting the horse take its head and pick its own path through the frozen pasture. “True. We, emphasis on the W-E, don’t talk about our past. However, you’re not included in the ‘we’ of us.”

  The man laughed. “I can see what attracted her to you. Mental stimulation for her is a type of foreplay. You can keep her on her toes.”

  Dixon cranked his jaw tight. Ryan knew Joy better than a passing acquaintance. “Obviously you know my wife… well.”

  The man cast a glance up at the sky and shrugged. “I knew her when she wasn’t who she is now. We were friends when there was no one else for either of us. Things change. For the better in her case and in mine.”

  Dixon digested the man's words. Ryan obviously wanted him to know whatever had transpired between him and Joy was over. He glanced at the man next to him. Did he feel threatened by the former Shadow? Was he jealous? Yes, fuck him he was jealous, but that was on him. Joy was brutally honest with him at all times. She would have said if she still … yeah. Not going there. This man was by all accounts in love with Ethan's mom. He needed to swallow his jealousy and move on. And he would. Maybe. Probably. Eventually.

  Dixon visually swept the land before him. They avoided large drifts of snow and rode a little out of their way to put the horses on clear, level ground. Ethan's laughter put a smile on his face.

  “How long have you been out of Guardian?” Dixon nodded toward the boy in front of them. Ethan laughed again and pointed to the first windmill that came into sight.

  “Since they came into my life. The decision to leave Guardian behind for them was easy.”

  “I understand that.” And he did. He couldn’t imagine his life without Joy. If the only way to keep her was to leave Guardian? He would have done it in a heartbeat. “How bad did Ethan and Bethanie suffer because of our fucking sperm donor?” Dixon knew if anyone would tell him it would be the man beside him.

  “I don’t know how much you knew about that bastard. Bethanie and Ethan escaped, but they will both carry the mental scars for the rest of their lives. Ethan grew up fast. He missed a lot of his childhood. He’s an old soul in a young man’s body.”

  “Harvey was a sick, twisted, son of a bitch. We lived through shit no one should ever be exposed to, and I can only imagine what he put those two through. Is there anything we need to worry about? Triggers or anything that would bring back bad memories?” He didn’t want to unintentionally hurt his new family.

  Ryan shook his head. “Even after all the crap that man put them through, they are remarkably well-adjusted. Hell, they’re better adjusted than I am.” The man gave a low, evil laugh.

  “Finding it hard to adjust to the light of day?”

  Ryan glared at him.

  He smiled innocently.

  With a long-suffering roll of the eyes, Ryan looked forward again.

  “No. I've always tried to live in isolated areas. No desire to live amongst the savages, if you know what I mean. So, we live on the top of the mountain. I worry about Bethanie and Ethan. It’s a solitary life, but since the threat against them has been negated, I make it a point to make sure they both get out and experience things.”

  Dixon glanced over at his riding companion. “Solitary isn’t necessarily a bad thing. How is he going to school?”

  “Accelerated classes online. The kid is a genius.” The man chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I was thinking about Guardian. The shrinks there told me I was a genius. If they ever saw what that kid up there could do? Man, they’d pay for his education in a heartbeat. I just don’t know whether or not I want him to be a part of Guardian.”

  “Why? Do you know something about Guardian that I don’t?” Dixon tensed in his saddle. He’d never heard anyone say a bad word about Guardian.

  “No, hell, no. You don't understand. This kid? He has brains like I’ve never seen before, and that’s saying something. I’ve seen a lot of shit. He's destined for great things. I don't know if it will be with Guardian or out there in the world, but mark my words, that kid will make an impact that will reach forward in time.”

  Dixon nodded. He'd noticed how smart his little brother was just from the limited interaction he'd had with the kid. “If you ever need anything, and I mean anything, reach out to us. Family is everything. We wanted to meet and take care of them when all the shit with Harvey was exploding around us, but their safety was paramount. I was a target, and Drake was officially dead. Technically, both of us are dead at this point, except we’ve taken different names, and we’ll probably never go back to D.C."

  "Yeah, how's that working out for you?" The man beside him chuckled as he asked.

  "Not bad. Being dead isn't as boring as I thought it would be." Dixon laughed along with Ryan. The guy wasn't bad, little green monsters aside. "Seriously, though, I was going to contact Archangel and request permission to meet after the holidays. The fact that Joy and Jillian brought you here as a Christmas surprise was fortuitous. Drake and I understand all too well what that little boy went through. If he ever needs to talk or work through something that bastard has done to him, we will be there for him.”

  Ryan held up a gloved finger. “First, a word of warning, never let him hear you call him a little boy. You’ll get a lecture.”

  “Yeah, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.” Dixon laughed.

  “He’s a spitfire, that’s for sure. I’d like them to have family they are close to, you know? I never had it. I think it’s essential for him, especially. Bethanie and I have talked, and we plan to do our best to make sure we include you in his life.” The man leaned forward and twisted at the same time so he could look straight at him. “That being said, if either of you hurt that child or my wife in any way, I will hunt you down and kill you.” A cold, deadly stare indicated the former Shadow felt he could carry out his threat.

  He twisted in his saddle and regarded Ryan steadily. “And if you hurt that boy or his mother, the wrath of God will seem insignificant compared to what we will do to you.”

  A very faint uptick of a smile on the corners of his lips preceded Ryan’s nod. “Good to know we’re on the same page.” The man tickled his horse's ribs and the animal moved into a trot.

  “I can see why she loves you,” he called.

  Ryan leaned forward over the neck of his horse and the animal took off.

  He chuckled as he watched the assassin reining in his horse to ride next to his son. He couldn’t have picked a better man to take care of his brother.

  Chapter 10

  Frank Marshall placed the receiver of the phone back in its cradle. His hand shook just a bit. Well, that was to be expected. Talking to doctors always sent his nerves a skitter. He wiped the sweat off his brow. Fuck him if his knees weren’t as week as a newborn foal’s. Maybe he was just a little more nervous than he’d admitted, even to himself. Not telling Amanda about the call today had been hard. He wanted her support, but... it was Christmas. The woman deserved a few days without the constant worry his health inflicted for most of the last year. His mind trudged through all the doctor-
speak and the final questions he asked. Translating the words into English, he repeated what the man had said to made sure he understood what the doc was trying to tell him. He took a deep breath placed his hands on his hips and let it slowly escape from his lungs. Well, that was that.

  His eyes moved across the room to Amanda’s dresser. Her little bits and doodads were held in crystal plates and fancy little China cups. He strolled to the solid wood bureau and ran his finger across the top of her jewelry box. He lifted it and gazed at the contents. She still had the gold badge from when Chance was a sheriff. He lifted it out and examined it. Speaking out loud to ghosts didn’t seem completely stupid at this point in his life. Hell, he’d talked to Elizabeth routinely when the girls were growing up. He’d kept her informed about her girls, their trials and triumphs. He eyed the bedside stand where Amanda had placed that envelope. Perhaps today was the day to read it after all. Steps he needed to take brewed in his mind and knowing the score all the way around would be best.

  He gazed down at the sheriff’s star again. “You have one hell of a family, Chance. I’m proud to be able to care for them. The world is a better place because of them. That don’t happen often. I’ll keep watch over them as long as I’m able. Until my dying breath.” His throat constricted. He cleared it and nodded at the badge. “I promise.” He carefully set the badge back in the little jewelry box and ran his fingers over the gold chain and earrings he’d given Amanda for their anniversary. She wore them every evening to dinner. That right there, that was the woman he married. She loved hard, and for that he would be forever thankful.

  Frank squared his shoulders, closed the lid to Amanda’s jewelry box, and made the arduously long trek across the master bedroom to his bedside table. Strange how fifteen feet can sometimes seem like fifteen miles. He sat down on the bed and opened the drawer. The sound of children’s laughter and conversation drifted through the open bedroom door. He took the envelope out and slid the drawer shut. He looked at Elizabeth’s fluid handwriting and smiled. She was a concise lady. Lady being the operative word.

  Elizabeth hadn’t been a good fit at the ranch. She didn’t like the animals, the dirt, the mud, or the isolation, but she’d stuck it out. He wasn’t sure she would. Theirs was a relationship of necessity. Oh, he had loved her as much as she’d allowed him to love her. But…

  He tapped the contents away from the edge of the envelope and carefully opened it. Before he unfolded the paper that slid out, he closed his eyes and bowed his head, trying to mentally prepare himself for what she’d written. There was nothing she could pen that would change where he was today. His daughters had grown into fine women. They were strong, courageous, wonderful mothers and had husbands who adored them. Nothing Elizabeth could say would change any of that.

  “What the fuck are you afraid of, Marshall?” Frank mumbled to himself and shook his head as he flipped the paper open.

  Frank,

  I wish there could have been another way to explain what’s going on in my life. I love you; you know I do. But we both know the kind of love I feel for you isn’t what a wife should feel for a husband. My love stems from my gratitude. You picked me up, reminded me that I was worthy, and you loved me. I wish I could love you the way I know you wanted me to. I will forever regret the fact that I have caused you almost daily pain. No one with a heart as pure as yours should have to suffer through a loveless marriage, and I can tell you’re suffering, too.

  I contacted Richard about two months ago. His parents died in an airplane crash about the time Keelee was born. He has inherited, and he wants me back. He's been searching for me. He says he’s never stopped loving me, and I’m so sorry, but I still love him. I tried; God knows I tried. I wanted so badly to be the wife you deserved and a mother the girls could look up to.

  If you're reading this, that means I've gone to Denver to meet Richard. Walking away is impossibly hard, and I've struggled for so long with this decision. Keelee and Tori are your life. I would never take them from you. I only ask that we keep an open line of conversation so that if they ever need me for any reason, you’d be able to contact me. I’ve left letters for Tori and Keelee. Please wait until Tori is eighteen to give both letters to the girls. I feel, as adults, they will better understand my reasons for leaving.

  I don’t know how to tell them why I’m leaving. I will let you tell them what you think is best.

  I’ll call. I don’t know when. I imagine you won’t want to speak to me for a very long time. Richard will send divorce papers. I asked him to make sure you have sole custody of the girls. I would like visitation rights, but I understand if you refuse.

  I wish our story could’ve ended differently. I wish I could have loved the ranch like Keelee does. I wish I could adore you for the wonderful man you are like Tori does. I wish for a lot of things, Frank. My most fervent wish is that you will forgive me one day. You were my savior when I needed rescuing. Hopefully, you will find love and flourish. Thank you for giving me yourself and our daughters.

  Elizabeth

  Frank set the paper down on his nightstand. She’d intended to leave. He leaned back on the headboard, suddenly exhausted. Thoughts swirled around his mind like sparrows flitting around the barn in the spring. He’d always known she wasn’t happy. He’d seen the brightness fading from her. He figured sooner or later she’d get around to leaving him. It was, he felt, inevitable.

  He remembered the morning she died. He’d saddled her horse, and she'd said thank you. He could tell she was sad—always so damn sad. He remembered watching her ride out. The one thing she enjoyed at the ranch was riding her little mare. Elizabeth had been exceptionally quiet for, hell, almost a week, maybe longer. Knowing what he did now, he reckoned she was probably gathering her nerve to drive away. Only, she never came home from that ride. Her horse wandered back to the ranch without her. He and his hands scrambled to find her. They’d found her body about dusk. She’d fallen from her horse and broken her neck. At the time, everyone figured it was just a freak accident. A snake, or something else had spooked the little even-tempered mare. The horse she rode wasn’t skittish, never reared or bucked. They couldn’t figure out how Elizabeth had lost control. It hadn’t been until recently they discovered it was Christian Kohler’s father who’d spooked the horse. According to the medical examiner’s report, Elizabeth had died instantly. For that small mercy, he’d be eternally grateful.

  He shook his head. Elizabeth had deserved better. She’d deserved to live the life she wanted with Richard. He would’ve let her go. Hell, she’d been so miserable he’d almost suggested it. Hindsight being twenty/twenty, he sure as hell wished he would have, but there was no way to change the past. He closed his eyes and listened to the muted voices traveling up from the living room. The house was alive, full to the brim, and happy. He wished Elizabeth would’ve known this kind of happiness. He wished she would’ve been able to meet Richard in Denver.

  He needed to round up Tori and Keelee and have a talk with them. He had no idea what the letters Elizabeth wrote them said. He was certain there would be questions. He’d answer those he could and struggle with the ones he couldn’t. He glanced out the window to the hills beyond the barns and meadows. Life had a way of twisting and turning, not necessarily the way people expected either. Well, no sense putting off the inevitable. Frank squared his shoulders and drew a deep breath. He glanced at Amanda’s jewelry box. No secrets lay in that box.

  He stopped at the door and looked upward. “Elizabeth, you can rest well. I understand.”

  Chapter 11

  Dixon headed up the stairway just as Frank was walking down. “Hey, I have somebody I want you to meet.”

  Frank stopped on the stairs and cocked his head. “Who’s that?” He looked around the great room. It was just family.

  “Joy and Jillian invited our little brother, Ethan, for Christmas. His mom and stepfather are with him. The guy is ex-Guardian, so he's been checked out. They're good people. They are staying with us, but if
it’s okay with you, I would love to invite them up here for dinners and Christmas.” Dixon shoved his hands into his jean pockets. "I'm heading to Rapid City tomorrow to make sure they have gifts under the tree."

  Frank’s hand landed on his shoulder with a strong squeeze. “Son, you didn’t have to ask. That’s your family, and that means they are now our family. Bring them to dinner. Tell him we expect them at all meals, and all family events. They’ll either get sick of us or love us.”

  His son's face cracked open wide with a smile. “We just got in from going for a ride. Ethan took to horses like a cat to cream. His father, well, his stepfather, went with us." Dixon glanced around and whispered, "He was in Joseph's line of work."

  Frank caught Dixon’s eyes and nodded. “Seems to me, he’d be a good protector for the child then.”

  Dixon smiled. “Yes sir. Ethan’s mom is a nice lady. She and Jillian are getting along well. Bethanie, that’s her name, does hydroponic farming. I think Jillian has a new hobby brewing. Poor Drake.”

  Frank chuckled. Drake's wife was in constant go-mode. Her mind absorbed and questioned everything. She was perpetual motion in human form. Unlike Joy. They were as different as night and day, but damn it if they weren't each perfect for his boys.

  Dixon turned and walked down the stairs with him, adding, “I saw John Smith on the way up. He wanted me to tell you that the new solar heaters installed on the watering troughs were worth their weight in gold. The old ones were crap."

  Frank grunted in agreement.

  Dixon chuckled. “Bethanie, Ryan, and Ethan are at our house. I’ll bring them up for dinner. I know Ethan, Talon, and Reese will probably hit it off, although Ethan is a couple years older. From what I understand, he didn’t have much of a childhood, so any type of fun he could have with the kids would be a good thing.”

  “I’ll stop down and meet them before dinner. Kinda ease them in to the press of people.” Frank nodded toward the great room. “Right now, I need to talk to Tori and Keelee. Give me an hour or so and I’ll be down.”